Very strange day ...

[Spitfire]

My Mum died at 6:10 this evening - peacefully in her sleep - aged 89 ...

She had been in a nursing home for a year as my Dad couldn't cope with her anymore - she was immobile and doubly incontinent. Since going in to the home she's really got a lot worse and just before Christmas she got a chest infection from which she never really recovered - it was pneumonia that finally saw her off today.

I last saw her on Christmas day and although she'd lost her speech she knew me and I believe she got some comfort from seeing me.

Strange feeling - I suppose my main thought is that she's been released from a pretty crap existence she didn't really enjoy - I am getting solace from that. My best mate said to me this evening that when his Mum died he thought he woudn't want to wish any more life on her - and I agree with that ...

Oh - and by the way - you might think me hard and unfeeling but we'll have no euphemisms and pussyfooting about with 'gone to sleep' - 'passed away' - 'gone to a better place' and RIP ...

My Mum died today - that's it

[Minty4371]

Sorry to read this .
Thoughts with you and your family.

[Spitfire]

Thanks - Thoughts are good - I like thoughts

It's at times like this I wish we could see some thoughts then we'd know who was thinking good things for us

[Sploosher]

sorry to hear your news........................

my mother was cremated 15 years ago tomorrow, 12 days after she passed away...............

shame she did not live to see the millennium in...........

[Spitfire]

Thanks ...

We will also be arranging a cremation but we are told there's a 'waiting list' at the local Crematorium - could be up to 2 weeks

[Mayfly]

My dad died in '09 he had been in and out of hospital for the previous 4 years To cut a long story short after an op he wasn't strong enough to recover but could communicate with us by writing. He was struggling to recover &10 days after the op he wrote "I don't want to live any more". I told him that was fine I loved him and we would be with him until the end. He died 6 hrs later.

I didn't feel bad at all - he was at peace and the quality of his life had been deteriorating quite rapidly over the previous 6 mths and it wouldn't have been getting any better. In fact I was relieved for him.

I understand how you feel. My commiserations to you and yours David.

Hugs.

Pam

[Aceyone]

Sorry to hear of your loss,when my Mum died I had mixed emotions,she was in pain with cancer and my feelings when she died were sadness,obviously, but also a sense of relief for which I felt somewhat guilty !

[Spitfire]

I understand how you feel. My commiserations to you and yours David.

Hugs.

Pam

Thanks - that means a lot Pam

[Spitfire]

Sorry to hear of your loss,when my Mum died I had mixed emotions,she was in pain with cancer and my feelings when she died were sadness,obviously, but also a sense of relief for which I felt somewhat guilty !

No - no need to feel guilty - release from the pain is what she needed ...

I just wanted my Mum to be set free from the life of sitting in a home (£950 a week ) - in God's waiting room - douby incontinent - no mobility at all - dependent on someone for every bodily function ... that's no life for a once active and proud woman ...

There was no pain but I feel no guilt in saying I'm glad she's gone

[Ray C]

I got a mobile call from the Stockport police 2 days into our holiday on a Greek Island this year, they had to
Break In to the Mother In laws as neibours had seen no recent activity. First indications suggested she dropped dead getting out of bed, after 24 hours of phone calls to the UK the wife & I concluded there was no point in retuning
back to the UK as she was literally (On Ice) we were blessed with a brilliant funeral director who gave us up dates,
So with feelings of guilt continued our holiday helped by large amounts of good wine & company.

When we retuned our decision was so right, the coroners office only released her body 5 days after we got back...!
She had died of a heart attack instatantly...At 84 with just a few ailments troubling her we both said what a way to
go...And thank you June for not putting us...or her through the ordeal of a long lingering death in some home visiting her until the end.

All the best Dave.

[Spitfire]

All the best Dave.

Thanks Ray - I wholeheartedly agree with everything you say - I am so glad my mother was only in that home less than a year ... but I still do have a mother-in-law - now 93 - living on her own and strong as an ox - but with progressively bad dementia

We bought her a cushion at Christmas with faces of my 2 kids printed on it as we thought it would help her remember them - but its backfired on us as now she is convinced they are real and live there with her - but they wont eat or drink and that is worrying her Her brain is SO confused so that although she thinks they are real she knows she can pick the cushion up and she says 'did you know they are made of wool' ...... to some extent that's a worse situation than being in a home...

I do wish sometimes that she would do us that same favour as your MIL did

[Dee]

At the moment im visiting my best oldest friend in hopsital, now into week 9 since i found her at the bottom of the stairs where she had been for 12 hours.. Pneumonia and broken back which we and her daughter thought would be the end of her..But oh no she wasnt go to go so easily..She is so damn poorly she knows me as soon as i visit every day in Newark Hospital but so confused, so depressed, that i and her daughter both wish that she had gone 9 weeks ago,She would be horrified if she knew what she was like now and that isnt bloody fair! Its no way to live!!

So thoughts are with you and all the best to you!!

[Spitfire]

At the moment im visiting my best oldest friend in hopsital, now into week 9 since i found her at the bottom of the stairs where she had been for 12 hours.. Pneumonia and broken back which we and her daughter thought would be the end of her..But oh no she wasnt go to go so easily..She is so damn poorly she knows me as soon as i visit every day in Newark Hospital but so confused, so depressed, that i and her daughter both wish that she had gone 9 weeks ago,She would be horrified if she knew what she was like now and that isnt bloody fair! Its no way to live!!

So thoughts are with you and all the best to you!!

I sometimes wonder why we insist on keeping people alive at ALL costs when we would have put an animal down because it 'was for the best' ... I cannot praise the home my mother lived in for her final 12 hours - she woke at 5.30am in some distress as she could no longer swallow so they gave her a strong sedative jab that put her into a deep comfortable sleep and at 6.10pm she just drifted away quietly. I don't care what was in that jab or how strong it was - just that it was amazing

Thanks for the thoughts Dee - hope you get a satisfactory resolution to the problem with your friend ...